WOW! Follow up on previous blog...

Well, having said all that about believing without proof, I went to my Facebook page to read comments on Emily's pictures I posted & my own wonderful husband posted the commercial which reminded me of at least one hello from Heaven I got from Emily. She loved commercials. JC Penny's was, at that time, airing an ad using the "All Inside" campaign. Most ad campaigns run under a year before they come up with something new, but this one ran for a couple years at least. I liked it because not only would she sing so loud & proud along with the song, but it reminded me that what matters is what's inside of us, not outside of us. I always feared what I'd feel when that day would arrive for JC Penny's & I'd no longer hear Emily's voice singing the All Inside song. That day came. It was a day of abnormally deep depression for me & I was not doing well. The new ad they created was using a song from who else but my FAVORITE lead guitarist & writer, Pete Townsend of The Who. What song was used you ask? "Let My Love Open The Door"! Seriously???? It was at that moment that I decided to follow her advice & let her love open the door to faith for me once again. I guess I should mention that the very next day the ad campaign was back to All Inside & I never found that Pete Townsend song used in a JC Penny's ad again, though I'm sure it exists somewhere. So yes, I believe. Deal with it you naysayers. May you never have reason to do the same.

Lemons from Heaven?

This is a short post as an addition to the one just posted about the dove... Continuing the topic of the mysteries of death I felt compelled to tell the story of Cheyenne's visit during the first Christmas after she passed.

My parents had a dwarf lemon tree they took with them everywhere they lived for over 50 years. It lived in a pot so it was easily transported. As the years rolled by, my parents began a tradition of letting one of their children pick the lemon off the tree each Christmas. The tree only produced a few lemons each year, I never saw any more than 3, & we would pick them and make hot lemonade on Christmas Eve as we decorated the tree together. The tree may have been small, but the lemons were HUGE! As long as I can remember we kids took turns picking the lemon each year.

We all grew up, left home, started our own families, & then it was for our children to continue the tradition. Each year, the grandchildren of my parents would take their turn. When Cheyenne was 3 it was her turn. We all celebrated the exciting event, taking pictures of the picking like a bunch of paparazzi around a child star. In fact we made such a big deal about it that year (for her I guess) that we forgot to make the lemonade!

Three months later (I know, the number 3 again) Cheyenne passed. The next Christmas, 9 months after she passed, my brother, his wife, and two kids were home for the holidays so they got to do the picking. That first Christmas was hard (duh), but we all lifted our chins and faced it full on. We went outside to the lemon tree with our cameras, & as I was focusing the shot, getting ready to snap, I heard my husband behind me suddenly say "Oh my God!" "What?" "There are 9 lemons on the tree!"   ...Cheyenne is the 9th grandchild.

Did I tell you that I don't believe in coincidence? EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

Happy 16th birthday my little rainbow! I love you & miss you.

Where God Lives...

      All of my followers here on my blog know I am a twice bereaved parent. What very few of you all know is that I carried my oldest daughter across & personally handed her to the angels who completed the journey with her. So you can trust me when I tell you this: if you want to know where God lives put yourself somewhere in a place of peace; get lost in some music, or the soft sound of the wind in the trees, or anything that lifts you up. Close your eyes & feel the joy. THAT is where God lives, and THAT is where Heaven is.

     

     In two weeks Cheyenne, my older daughter turns 16. In three weeks Emily, my second daughter, turns 10. They are celebrating their lives in heaven but we will be celebrating here on earth. For the month of August, here on my blog & on Facebook,  I will share with you my thoughts, feelings, & experiences they taught me. I will tell you about my journey taking Cheyenne across, I will tell you about their visits from heaven, and I will try to explain where and how I get my strength.

    The recent loss of our Navy Seals, as well as the recent loss of two family members and a few others we know only through mutual friends/family have helped me to anchor myself again to that which matters most: LOVE. Open your eyes and you will begin to see it everywhere.

If you are so moved, please share this blog with others, You never know who might need the words of advice or the comfort. In the words of my dear friend & spiritual mentor, Julianna: "I love each and every one of you."

Tulips from Heaven

Yesterday (Tuesday) was the 12th anniversary of my oldest daughter's passing. It never gets any easier. OK, once I got passed the initial grief & found a plateau where I could continue my own life I will say it never got any easier after that. Occasionally I get little hellos from heaven. 

We have buried two daughters.

 Cheyenne was the oldest, and the first to go. Because she lived long enough to develop language skills we know much more about her & are now able to continue recognizing her presence. Emily, passing at only 18 months old is a bit more of a challenge to recognize now, but we do.

 SO, here is the Tulip story: I hurried home from work, grabbed a basket to put flowers in for the grave, & thought Tulips would look really pretty in it. We got to the store, and as I entered the floral department a total stranger, another woman with a child at her side, stopped me & said "Those tulips over there are only $1.50 a bunch." I silently gasped as I expressed my gratitude & gave a smile.

 Then she said "I don't know why I just told you that except you looked like you were looking for something special". Yes, I was....tulips! I grabbed a bunch in every color, for my rainbow.

 When we arrived at the cemetery my parents were there waiting for us. My mom, who traditionally gets me a potted orchid on these days, showed up with a bucket (& I mean a huge bucket) full of TULIPS! She said "I don't know why, I just thought I needed to get tulips this time."

 I filled a basket, & had enough to take home & enjoy. 

It does not matter what your faith is, as long as you have a faith. That is my belief. Faith in God gets you through these times. Knowing my girls are still out there, waiting for me, is what fills my days and allows me to continue. God is visible in every way imaginable. God's presence is felt in our hearts where we see with our souls. 

 I know Cheyenne was saying "I am here. I see your pain. I have not left you. I will always love you." I know this because she made sure I got my tulips.

The quilt show & a visit from the "other side".

I have been thinking about this blog for a week or so. I have had several things in my mind to say, but now I am blank. I could talk about the beautiful work I saw in these quilts, or how the International Quilt Show is one of Houston's greatest sources of income (I heard it is the single biggest source actually), or how the vendors are selling some really amazing stuff these days, but there is also something else to talk about. The visit I got from my daughters...whom I buried years ago.

We are moving. We are leaving the house we raised our two daughters in, the only house they ever knew. As I find myself feeling the pains of leaving those things that brought us bright moments during their lives, I also feel the joy of getting a new start & I know they would be so excited to share in this. Driving to the quilt show I could not get them off my mind. I began quilting when our 2nd daughter, Emily, was born so that I could have something to keep me occupied during the long days & nights of her nursing care that continued throughout her short life. I got to take her to the quilt show twice, & every time I go I feel her with me. 

This year, with the move & all the emotional things coming with it, I feel both of the girls so much more. As I paid for the parking I looked back at the space I drove into. Space #95. That means nothing to anyone who does not know my family, but for us it means everything. Our oldest daughter, Cheyenne, was a strong intuitive during her life. She continues to be so in her afterlife. She often uses references to her birthdate as her way of confirming to us that it is truly her. She was born '95, and 95 is the most common way she chooses to come through to us. I knew, as I stood out in the parking lot, that my girls were at the quilt show with me again this year. I also knew that they are happy with the move & excited for us. This is not just me wishing. I have enough of those moments & believe me there is a difference. There is no way to explain these things, you just KNOW.   ...and I was going to take a picture of the parking space # but I totally forgot in all my excitement of the wonderful day I was having!

So, as I walked around this HUGE exhibition of quilts, vendors, & great food, surrounded by thousands of strangers, knowing that I was looking very much alone to them, I knew I was not. My girls were with me & we had a great day!