Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Tulips from Heaven

Yesterday (Tuesday) was the 12th anniversary of my oldest daughter's passing. It never gets any easier. OK, once I got passed the initial grief & found a plateau where I could continue my own life I will say it never got any easier after that. Occasionally I get little hellos from heaven. 
We have buried two daughters.
 Cheyenne was the oldest, and the first to go. Because she lived long enough to develop language skills we know much more about her & are now able to continue recognizing her presence. Emily, passing at only 18 months old is a bit more of a challenge to recognize now, but we do.
 SO, here is the Tulip story: I hurried home from work, grabbed a basket to put flowers in for the grave, & thought Tulips would look really pretty in it. We got to the store, and as I entered the floral department a total stranger, another woman with a child at her side, stopped me & said "Those tulips over there are only $1.50 a bunch." I silently gasped as I expressed my gratitude & gave a smile.
 Then she said "I don't know why I just told you that except you looked like you were looking for something special". Yes, I was....tulips! I grabbed a bunch in every color, for my rainbow.
 When we arrived at the cemetery my parents were there waiting for us. My mom, who traditionally gets me a potted orchid on these days, showed up with a bucket (& I mean a huge bucket) full of TULIPS! She said "I don't know why, I just thought I needed to get tulips this time."
 I filled a basket, & had enough to take home & enjoy. 
It does not matter what your faith is, as long as you have a faith. That is my belief. Faith in God gets you through these times. Knowing my girls are still out there, waiting for me, is what fills my days and allows me to continue. God is visible in every way imaginable. God's presence is felt in our hearts where we see with our souls. 
 I know Cheyenne was saying "I am here. I see your pain. I have not left you. I will always love you." I know this because she made sure I got my tulips.

14 comments:

Arlene said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story! Brought tears to my eyes

Niki said...

Oh, my goodness! Seeing D2 peeking around the stature brings joy to my heart, though I grieve for the loss of Cheyenne as well. She truly is watching over you and I love how she lets her presence be known. So special in live, and even more special in her afterlife. Big hugs to you, Nick, and D2.

Tammy Lee Bradley said...

Oh, I so admire your strength and ability to look for all the goodness in the world. You are my muse, my dear. xo tam

Megan H. said...

Beth, you may not feel comfortable sharing, but everytime I hear a story of your girls I wonder what happened that they joined the Lord so young. I can't imagine the pain you feel, but pray for comfort as you remember your precious daughters.

Lynne said...

It's lovely that you have that strong faith and that you feel your daughter so near.
Beautiful tulips.

saintseester said...

Wow, that is really touching.

Beth Crocker said...

Megan, I am comfortable sharing, it's just long & complicated. Basically both girls were born with a genetic defect that until just recently they did not know about it. I mean they knew the girls had it, but they knew nothing about it. They had never seen it before. Now they have a name for it (don't know it) & there are roughly 900 cases in the world. They had low gross muscle tone, & your heart is a muscle, so for different reasons in each case they both developed congestive heart failure. THere is more to it, but you get the idea.

Jan said...

What a beautiful post, Beth.
Much love to you xoxo

Dagmar said...

Beth,...what a beautiful and touching tribute to your daughters...my heart just hurt for your loss..how beautifully their spirits live on.
ox
Dagmar

Megan H. said...

I just checked back here...thanks for sharing. I guess that's the nurse in me always wondering and the mother in me always worrying. I am sure God has a purpose for them that is far greater than we will ever understand.

Emily Ngo said...

i love reading about your daughters. it makes me believe in faith even more. i love hearing about them in class because it puts a huge smile on your face (:

-emily .

Lionel said...

Sad but still a lovely story, thank you for sharing Beth!..........How did I find your page? Let me explain; this last year my personal life has not been that great, my wife wanted a divorce after being married for 21 years, and together since 1985. We got divorced March 19th 2013 after living apart for a year. Right now I am still getting my life together, and I know that I will, one step at a time. Anyway, to cut a long story short, last year I moved to a second property that we owned for 20 years. Being a very private person and not having anyone to confide in, I turned and prayed to St Theresa of the Child Jesus, the Little Flower, for support, and to help me get through this difficult times. Being a spiritual person, I also asked to demonstrate herself, I asked for a “Rose” as a way of recognition to my request. Anyway, a beautiful white tulip, out of the blue, is growing in this part of the yard that never gets used and nothing grows there. So, I googled “Tulips From Heaven” not only did I find your lovely story, but also found strength in knowing that my situation its not even close in comparison.

Beth Crocker said...

Thanks, Lionel, for sharing your story! It is a great way to heal, to know my experiences are helping others!

lettersfromdonna said...

Not all grieving moms have received the gifts you and I have, and for that reason, (1) I am so thankful for the messages of love and concern for us from God and our children, and (2) I look at the two of us and wonder, "Why us? Why are we so blessed to know beyond doubt that we are chosen to see these things and not others?" At the end of the day, it doesn't matter why, though. We have received the gifts and know beyond doubt, and we are thankful.....