Yesterday (Tuesday) was the 12th anniversary of my oldest daughter's passing. It never gets any easier. OK, once I got passed the initial grief & found a plateau where I could continue my own life I will say it never got any easier after that. Occasionally I get little hellos from heaven.
We have buried two daughters.
Cheyenne was the oldest, and the first to go. Because she lived long enough to develop language skills we know much more about her & are now able to continue recognizing her presence. Emily, passing at only 18 months old is a bit more of a challenge to recognize now, but we do.
SO, here is the Tulip story: I hurried home from work, grabbed a basket to put flowers in for the grave, & thought Tulips would look really pretty in it. We got to the store, and as I entered the floral department a total stranger, another woman with a child at her side, stopped me & said "Those tulips over there are only $1.50 a bunch." I silently gasped as I expressed my gratitude & gave a smile.
Then she said "I don't know why I just told you that except you looked like you were looking for something special". Yes, I was....tulips! I grabbed a bunch in every color, for my rainbow.
When we arrived at the cemetery my parents were there waiting for us. My mom, who traditionally gets me a potted orchid on these days, showed up with a bucket (& I mean a huge bucket) full of TULIPS! She said "I don't know why, I just thought I needed to get tulips this time."
I filled a basket, & had enough to take home & enjoy.
It does not matter what your faith is, as long as you have a faith. That is my belief. Faith in God gets you through these times. Knowing my girls are still out there, waiting for me, is what fills my days and allows me to continue. God is visible in every way imaginable. God's presence is felt in our hearts where we see with our souls.
I know Cheyenne was saying "I am here. I see your pain. I have not left you. I will always love you." I know this because she made sure I got my tulips.