I'm just trying to keep my head above water these days, but mixed in all the stress & depression I seem to be feeling waves of joy & amazement at how blessed I am. I hate this house for reasons I won't go into, but it makes me so depressed I hate coming home, but I seem to be recognizing moments in each day when I know there has been some divine intervention. I was always aware of it, but after the girls passed that awareness faded. I found myself filling every waking moment with hobbies & projects to keep from thinking. It hurt to much. Now I am trying to slow down, embrace the wonderful moments I have with my son & husband, and be grateful for all I am blessed with. My quilting has all but stopped, making way for my scrapbooking and photography. My social life has faded while I enjoy quiet moments at home dreaming & scheming to have those moments in another home as soon as we can. My job is a job, but it has its upside so I can't complain.
I shot a wedding last weekend, I'm getting caught up on obligations with my scrapping community, SimplyScrapping, & I'm starting a hard push in the marketing of my photography services by publishing small booklets & other things. It would be SOOOO great if I could afford to stay home, make my living as a photographer, and be the mom I always wanted to be. Is 46 too old to plan a new future?
1 comment:
You do keep a tight schedule and I can never figure how you manage, but keeping busy has kept you from being idle. I heard this somewhere I don't know where and it's just stuck with me "an idle mind is a devil's playground," but i do know that time for quietness is very much needed too. God knows what's best for you and he will give you what you need. His time is perfect timing and this is something that i struggle with...waiting...when is this going to happen, when is that going to happen. Lets do our best to enjoy the present and everythign else will come together. love you
Post a Comment