Beware the Power of Prayer

    The power of prayer is a dangerous thing. What you are really doing is sending deep, heartfelt thoughts into the universe, into the source of energy that feeds our souls. This is a strange blog for me, but I have had trouble sleeping, and as a dear friend lies in a doctor-driven coma for another month I am painfully aware of the prayers people so freely promise to send.

    Let me preface the rest of this by saying that I am fully aware that there are those who really do feel fear of the negative turn life might take for the one in need & their prayers are so deeply genuine for the healing of that person that magic happens. True magic!

    You see... it is my feeling that many people, though some are unaware they do this, are actually thinking of the (dare I say) excitement of the drama unfolding around their otherwise mundane lives when they are sending up a prayer for someone in urgent need. It might be a crime victim, a disease ridden friend, or a sickly infant, but the genuinely thoughtful person doing the praying is really rubber-necking in traffic to get a closer look at the wreck on the road as he passes on his way to wherever he is going. Somehow being able to say to others "I prayed" makes them feel better I guess.

    People can often mistake "healing" as physical recovery too. They are genuinely feeling the compassion and the desire for recovery, but sometimes for healing to take place, the physical body must be left behind. Prayer is often selfish. We want them here with us, so we can hold them, see their smiles, hear their laughter. That was the case for me when I prayed for my daughters to live. They didn't, so I stopped praying. I never lost faith, I just stopped praying. What's point, right? I mean if it's the universal plan, the destiny, or whatever you want to call it, then it's going to over-ride us anyway, so why bother? That was what I thought for many years.

    Quoting from a favorite movie, Kingdom of Heaven, "God will decide, God always decides." I am reminded that we are not in control, thought we do still have free will to strive for better experiences and growth in our lives.

    We pray because it's in our human nature to fix things. To feel productive and helpful. If we don't, then after that need is gone - no matter the outcome, we have not truly participated in that life. I have seen individuals who truly feel the compassion and the desire to help those in need actually create miracles.

    So keep praying, keep sending your compassion & your desires for the betterment of the source of your prayers to whomever you call that which is the eternal source of energy which feeds our souls. Prayers truly are medicine for the soul.

But beware the power of prayer. You might just get what you ask for.

Where God Lives...

      All of my followers here on my blog know I am a twice bereaved parent. What very few of you all know is that I carried my oldest daughter across & personally handed her to the angels who completed the journey with her. So you can trust me when I tell you this: if you want to know where God lives put yourself somewhere in a place of peace; get lost in some music, or the soft sound of the wind in the trees, or anything that lifts you up. Close your eyes & feel the joy. THAT is where God lives, and THAT is where Heaven is.

     

     In two weeks Cheyenne, my older daughter turns 16. In three weeks Emily, my second daughter, turns 10. They are celebrating their lives in heaven but we will be celebrating here on earth. For the month of August, here on my blog & on Facebook,  I will share with you my thoughts, feelings, & experiences they taught me. I will tell you about my journey taking Cheyenne across, I will tell you about their visits from heaven, and I will try to explain where and how I get my strength.

    The recent loss of our Navy Seals, as well as the recent loss of two family members and a few others we know only through mutual friends/family have helped me to anchor myself again to that which matters most: LOVE. Open your eyes and you will begin to see it everywhere.

If you are so moved, please share this blog with others, You never know who might need the words of advice or the comfort. In the words of my dear friend & spiritual mentor, Julianna: "I love each and every one of you."

Flowers....for Remembrance

The theme for this week in Focus 52 is flowers. How appropriate. My family buried our patriarch this week. I did the family wreaths & the casket spray.

My father-in-law left on his terms, and no one dared to dispute it. Flowers are an amazing thing. They are pretty, they smell good, they cheer us up when we feel down. They are symbols of friendship, love, and remembrance. Four times a year I go to the cemetery where I put together some type of arrangement for each of my two daughters. Each time we gather to remember their birthdays and passing days Louis would sit and watch me work while he visited with my parents, my husband, & his wife. He always loved watching me work, always having something to say about what I was creating. Having the privilege of doing his memorial flowers, in his college colors of course, was something I had not considered until I was faced with it. Creating something for another person allows me to meditate on that person while I work. I think about the person, I visit in spirit with the person, & I try to honor the person, & this time I cried for what we will all miss. When I think of flowers I think of the play Hamlet & the character Ophelia. When she lost her mind and began wondering around "chanting old tunes" it was the flower that she clung to as she passed out twigs and called them by the names of flowers.

The pure & simple beauty of the flower. I remember telling some of my students many years ago that there IS proof that God exists. Look at the flowers: we know from science that they smell good & look vibrant to attract the pollinating insects, but seriously people, this is God we are talking about. God does not work under the limitations of the physical realm. If he wants the bugs to go to the flowers they will, no special attractions are necessary. God just does it that way so we can understand how it all works. The beauty & the scent is a gift to us from God so we can enjoy nature at work. God gave us flowers to make our world more beautiful & to let us know God DOES exist...and we will all be together again one day.

Tulips from Heaven

Yesterday (Tuesday) was the 12th anniversary of my oldest daughter's passing. It never gets any easier. OK, once I got passed the initial grief & found a plateau where I could continue my own life I will say it never got any easier after that. Occasionally I get little hellos from heaven. 

We have buried two daughters.

 Cheyenne was the oldest, and the first to go. Because she lived long enough to develop language skills we know much more about her & are now able to continue recognizing her presence. Emily, passing at only 18 months old is a bit more of a challenge to recognize now, but we do.

 SO, here is the Tulip story: I hurried home from work, grabbed a basket to put flowers in for the grave, & thought Tulips would look really pretty in it. We got to the store, and as I entered the floral department a total stranger, another woman with a child at her side, stopped me & said "Those tulips over there are only $1.50 a bunch." I silently gasped as I expressed my gratitude & gave a smile.

 Then she said "I don't know why I just told you that except you looked like you were looking for something special". Yes, I was....tulips! I grabbed a bunch in every color, for my rainbow.

 When we arrived at the cemetery my parents were there waiting for us. My mom, who traditionally gets me a potted orchid on these days, showed up with a bucket (& I mean a huge bucket) full of TULIPS! She said "I don't know why, I just thought I needed to get tulips this time."

 I filled a basket, & had enough to take home & enjoy. 

It does not matter what your faith is, as long as you have a faith. That is my belief. Faith in God gets you through these times. Knowing my girls are still out there, waiting for me, is what fills my days and allows me to continue. God is visible in every way imaginable. God's presence is felt in our hearts where we see with our souls. 

 I know Cheyenne was saying "I am here. I see your pain. I have not left you. I will always love you." I know this because she made sure I got my tulips.